Life has been one crazy journey. For the past three years I ran a blog called Daisies and Darkness. Don’t bother looking for it – it no longer exists. What that blog represented to me was my journey with depression and darkness and a constant battle of the mind. There weren’t many long-lived daisies, only brief ones which never quite grew much for long before whatever daisies had been planted were too sparse to be noticed amidst all the darkness. I stopped one day and considered the 700 or so posts I had written over the past three years and felt a sense of sadness as I recalled a few. Yes, it was a great source of help and inspiration in getting through depression and darkness, so I was told, but it was also a sense of only darkness and had become something my soul no longer wished to have roots in.
I wrote much about the human condition and sadness and I also wrote much inspirational and motivational posts. I wrote about love and loss and I converted my heart’s cries into poems. My blog had become a dissection of every fibre of my heart and head and as I looked at the creation before me I realized I have come to a point where I have transitioned to another phase in my life and if I am to embrace this phase of a new found strength and courage I must let go of all that which no longer serves me. Daisies and Darkness was no longer a part of me. Could I have left it standing and just no longer write anymore? Sure. But I didn’t want to because I no longer wanted myself represented by the darkness and pain of my past. I had in essence buried that part of me as I realised that world of pain is no longer stronger than my current world of strength and courage and so after a last sigh of relief, I removed all of that which I no longer am.
To those who remember it and very much wish I had kept it, thank you for your support and kind words and for walking in that journey with me. Thank you for having found something of help to you personally from all I wrote and thank you for lovely messages telling me I had helped you in which ever small way I possibly could’ve. But here I am with a fresh page representing the next phase of my life and again my thoughts with each new sunrise will be documented and I trust a new journey of growth, discovery and beauty will start from this. One of light and life and no longer of darkness and death.
Pain will always be a part of our lives and scattering daisies amongst pain like an indifferent idiot will of course not be my new approach, if that is what you’re thinking. I’ve never been one to have unicorns and rainbows pour from my guts. I am still very much the blunt and radical me but I am also very much no longer myself in that I take on the roll of living and no longer focus on hurt and pain with the hope to obliterate my flesh from planet earth. My flesh wants to grace this planet exuberantly, it seems. I changed. And that was the whole point. I decided I never wanted to have such a tunnel vision ever again and never feel like that again because I know way too much about survival now. So I stopped letting myself feel that way and started letting myself live a full life.
So with all that said, welcome to this new place where my mind shall continue to freely roam on the next part of its journey hoping to think all the thoughts about life, pain and love it wishes to.