Being a natural introvert all my life, being alone has come naturally to me. But that doesn’t mean I have never fiercly craved human interaction and have an extroverted side to me. Human interaction and loving relationships are of the most important and basic needs of life. We were not created to live isolated. But there’s a big difference between isolation and solitude. If anything, my past relationships have taught me that being alone in solitude with myself is a necessity to live a worthy life and is needed before you can create a meaningful relationship. If you find yourself jumping from one relationship to the next and only feeling isolated when you are by yourself I can tell you this; you will never be happy unless you learn to find solitude on your own, unless you discover the values of yourself and enjoy your own company and unless you create a life worth living and goals worth pursuing that have nothing to do with anyone else. Up until now, this was knowledge I had possessed but was unable to live according to and finally, I have started to experience its powerful truths.
Everywhere I look around me I see people defining happiness by having a partner. We all have this idea of a fulfilling love we need to find within someone else in order to be happy. It becomes the sole purpose for many. But then I also look around me and I see people together, yet so very far apart. People who feel lonely when they are surrounded by friends. People who still cry and have so many insecurities and pain in their lives regardless of being in a loving relationship. Familes who fall apart and familes who just live in a sense of co-habitation. Life can become mundane regardless of who you are or are not with so I ask myself, why do we define our worlds by the presence of others?
Yes, I believe in love. Very much so. I’ve had the privilege of loving great people who have stuck by me for years and with whom an unbreakable bond developed. Those kinds of love are rare. But none of them have ever been able to take this deep pain and feeling of doubt in myself inside me away. So happiness in love does not necessarily mean happiness in yourself. So there is an immense importance of developing your own beautiful world and not taking on that of another.
So what can happiness be defined as? I believe happiness is becoming the truest and fullest form of yourself. I believe it is gaining an understanding of unique elements of life that make a smile spread across your face or give your heart an awe-inspiring pull towards something you layed your eyes on. I believe it is an individual sense of accomplishment in overcoming challenges and reaching a goal. I believe it is looking at your face in the mirror and caring about the person who looks back at you. I believe it is finding your mind lost in its own revery as you build or play or create or run or dance. I believe it is forming your own opinions and beliefs. I believe it is developing your own voice and learning to love its sound. I believe it is not caring of what anyone else thinks of the way you live your life or having to create a facade on social media. I believe it is choosing how moments will collide in forming parts of who you are. I believe it is learning to be confident. I believe it is learning to laugh spontaneously at a thought you had or a sight you saw. I believe it is in the songs you love to sing and the stories you like to hear. I believe it is in the colours you are attracted to without knowing why. I believe it is in the tastes and smells and sounds you love. I believe it is in the things that give you goosebumps. I believe it is in maturity. I believe it is in knowing what you stand for and knowing what you don’t. All of these things are things you could never find in anyone else. All of these are the real defining things.
A few weeks ago I broke up with someone who I thought would be my finally forever. But before we broke up I started realising, I was unhappy and lost in life and no matter what this person did or didn’t do, nothing could change that turmoil I had inside. Later on, I can now honestly say, I am relieved to be alone. Having been left to be alone has given me the chance to find myself again and establish my unwavering confidence and determination. I am underway of building my own happiness and finding my own value. I am finally becoming more of my fullest self who I am not apologetic for. I am setting my songs and beliefs in concrete and choosing my story. I am starting to wake up each morning knowing I want to face the day because of what my heart has embraced. Most of all, I am starting to love it.
What have I finally found? I have found my heart may be bigger than for its own good but that that is the reason I will set my sight on helping others and keep kissing furry faces while I talk to them. I have found that I am capable, smart and funny. I have found that I am a bit loopy, scatter-brained, sarcastic, silly and ridiculous on a day to day basis and that that just makes me laugh. I have found that I am worth loving and I can love unwaveringly hard. I have found that I have a strong personality that does not like to be subdued. I have found that my mind dwells on a revery of life when I go on walks amidst trees and sun. I have found I have dreams of what I want to become and am on my way to becoming – that this is my place and I am not leaving. I have found I love creating, that I love all shades of browns and reds and beige and gold. I have found that I have much to say and am not afraid to say it. I have found I am stronger than I thought. I have found I now see life for what it is and not for what my anxiety told me it is. I have found I feel much but that feeling no longer controls me, yet feeling much is my greatest asset that I do not apologise for. I have found I want to travel – to Amsterdam, specifically. I have found that there is much about the world’s workings I love learning about. I have found I believe in a God and will never again hide it for the sake of someone else. I have found that I love words and the way they can paint pictures when put together. I have found that I am kind and loyal and believe in doing good and living in integrity. I have found that I want to run marathons and that I love the way it feels when my body moves. I have found that I am comfortable in my own skin and that I like who I am. I have found much and I am still finding, even when it’s hard and sometimes I lose my way.
When you decide to walk that journey you must do it alone. Never let your worth and interests and conversations be determined by someone else. Go find yourself and be that. Be spontaneously you, fearlessly. Stop creating a facade on social media of how you think things should look to the world. I promise you, they don’t really care and if they do, they don’t matter!
I recently broke up with a guy I dated for two months and I realised a lot of things could really only be defined as a shame. I realise now that he cared too much about what the picture he painted looked like to the world rather than what it was and should be. I realise he held back thoughts and feelings that really should’ve been said and spoken about and most of all, I realise I let myself be okay with however he wanted to define everything as and moulded myself to fit his shape. I believe things really could’ve worked out great if he gave a little more and opened himself up a little more. So it’s a shame that it wasn’t. But most of all, I realise I should’ve never conformed so easily or second guessed myself.
Being alone is not the worst thing in the world. Sometimes it could be the best thing. You need to become your own vibrant person and be happy within yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. You do not have an “other half.” You are whole by yourself and you need to feel celebrated and respected for who you are and that means you have to respect yourself enough to dance to your own jive. Maybe someday, you will meet the people who love taking part in your journey just as much as you love taking part in theirs. People who love exploring your heart and mind just as much as you love exploring theirs. People who love unwaverlingly hard just as you do. People who celebrate each other’s differences rather than get frustrated by them. I realised what love really meant; the right people for each other are the people who see each other’s individual, unique self and helps each other grow to the full potential of themself and while they’re at it, they enjoy the differences in each other’s jives. Until then… Being by yourself and happily jivin’ on is the best thing.