When You’re Strong But Tired Of Loving and Not being Loved In Return

What is strength?

Strength is believing in love when you’ve only known heartache.

It’s drying your own tears that no one knew you cried.

Strength is overcoming your own demons or voices screaming at you to give up.

And looking at someone who completely broke you, yet forgiving them.

Strength is helping others even when you, yourself haven’t quite figured it out yet.

It’s trusting everyone even though you have every reason not to.

Strength is biting your tongue when someone is unkind and realising it’s a reflection of them and not of you.

It’s holding on and believing in something you know you deserve but haven’t gotten yet.

Strength is when everyone doubts you but you believe in yourself anyway.

But the truth is, you may be strong but you’re also tired.

Tired of being hurt every time you get your hopes up.

Tired of anticipating the worst and watching it play out.

Tired of being let down and always blaming yourself for things that were out of your control.

Tired of people telling you that you neThey  to change and then everytime you try to you lose yourself in an attempt to make them happy.

Tired of constantly being challenged and always having to be the bigger person.

Tired of thinking too much of people who care too little. And trying so, so hard to please others when you don’t ask for much in return.

Tired of staying up at night as thoughts consume you and you cannot sleep.

Tired of carrying this weight on your shoulders of the past that haunts you.

Tired of the explanations that came too late and holding the door for people who leave and being the one to say, “I’ll miss you.”

The truth is caring as much as this hurts. 

But on the other end of such intense strength of emotions is knowing a love so deep that it fills you despite anyone’s absence. Despite a sadness which you can’t shake on most days, you’ll experience a happiness that makes it worth it.

The truth is, if you ask any person like this what they would choose, they wouldn’t change anything about themselves even if they are tired.

They wouldn’t change because caring is who they are ingrained to be. Without caring and loving too much, they lose their purpose and identity and that is never worth the price.

The things that make you tired are also the things that make you you. The things that make you constantly seek for goodness and a light in the dark. The things that make you see beauty amidst the pain. These things that make you tired are the things that make you fight and the things that make you fight are things that remind you of your true self who does not stand for anything less than what he/she believes.

So it is okay to be tired and strong at the same time. It’s okay because you know despite the pain of endings, you’ll look forward to new beginnings and even though you resist in fear, you won’t back down because you know you’ll always keep believing in new beginnings because when you get it right, it’s worth it.

The truth is, regardless of how tired or hurt or disappointed you feel, the fact that you haven’t changed is why you are so great just the way you are. Pain changes most people but for some they see pain simply as the other end of the same spectrum that love is on, so they stay the path and keep their heads high. 

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